“Excuse me Mrs Meyer; dark skin is always difficult.” Like clockwork, the phlebotomist mouthed the standard German excuse for why she was going to keep sticking needles into my arm, in her persistent quest for blood.
I’d opened my mouth, ready to lecture her, when I caught sight of a small metal box with my name, and date of birth on it.
I was 36, freshly diagnosed with Herceptin-positive breast cancer. In the box was some radioactive substance to determine if the tumours in my chest had spread.
I decided to prioritise knowing how long I had left to live, rather than determining whether this lady was racist or not. I tapped the top of my palm, offering up the three veins that were always visible and ready to tap.
I officially became one of Germany’s annual 69,000 breast cancer cases on 4 December 2018, but I had known at least two years earlier.
A Black Lives Matter protester carries an American flag as teargas fills the air outside the Mark O. Hatfield United States Courthouse in Portland, Oregon
AP
2/50 20 July 2020
A trader decorates a camel with Henna at a cattle market set up for the upcoming Muslim festival Eid al-Adha also called “Festival of the Sacrifice”, in Rawalpindi
AFP via Getty
3/50 19 July 2020
The Milky Way galaxy is seen in the sky above the International Car Forest of the Last Church in Goldfield, Nevada. The roadside attraction, created in 2002 by Mark Rippie, has over 36 automobiles including cars, trucks, vans and buses that have been balanced on their ends or stacked on top one of another
AFP via Getty
4/50 18 July 2020
Revellers take part in the annual Gay Pride parade, also called Christopher Street Day in Frankfurt
Reuters
5/50 17 July 2020
Airplanes of the Scandinavian Airshow draw a heart in the sky, above the Turning Torso building in Malmo, Sweden
TT News Agency/Reuters
6/50 16 July 2020
Farmers protest outside the Indonesian Parliament against the cancellation of an ‘omnibus bill’ that aims to revise dozens of existing laws to ease the way for investment in Southeast Asia’s largest economy in Jakarta
Reuters
7/50 15 July 2020
Flooding in Sunamganj. Almost four million people have been hit by monsoon floods in South Asia, with a third of Bangladesh already underwater from some of the heaviest rains in a decade
AFP via Getty
8/50 14 July 2020
Second Republican infantry guard regiment take part in the annual Bastille Day military ceremony on the Place de la Concorde in Paris
AFP via Getty
9/50 13 July 2020
A man walks his dog through thick sea foam blowing ashore during a storm in Seapoint, Cape Town, South Africa
EPA
10/50 12 July 2020
Security forces on the outskirts of Amritsar take part in Van Mahotsav, an annual tree-planting festival in India
AFP via Getty
11/50 11 July 2020
People covered with coloured powder enjoy music during the Holi festival in Minsk, Belarus
EPA
12/50 10 July 2020
A demonstrator during clashes following the funeral of 29-year-old Palestinian Ibrahim Abou Yacoub, who was killed by Israeli forces, in the village of Kifl Hares, south of the West Bank city of Nablus
AFP via Getty
13/50 9 July 2020
The sun rises in Timmendorfer Strand, northern Germany
AP
14/50 8 July 2020
Portraits of healthcare workers are pasted on the Opera Bastille, designed by Anne-Christine Poujoulat, to pay tribute to caregivers during the Covid-19 pandemic in Paris
Anne-Christine Poujoulat/AFP/Getty
15/50 7 July 2020
Tengger tribe people make their way to the summit of Mount Bromo volcano to make offerings in Probolinggo, as part of the Yadnya Kasada Festival. The Tenggerese climb the active volcano to seek the blessing from the main deity by presenting offerings of rice, fruit, livestock and other items
AFP via Getty
16/50 6 July 2020
A healthcare worker checks the temperature of residents during a check-up campaign in Mumbai, India
Reuters
17/50 5 July 2020
People wearing protective face masks to help prevent the spread of the coronavirus sit at a bus stop in the city of Zanjan, Iran
AP
18/50 4 July 2020
Protesters blocking an exit to the precinct of the officers who arrested Elijah McClain, cover their ears anticipating the use of flash-bang grenades by police in Aurora, Colorado
Reuters
19/50 3 July 2020
A member of the Israeli border police jumps during a Palestinian protest against Israel’s plan to annex parts of the West Bank, in Kafr Qaddum near Nablus
Reuters
20/50 2 July 2020
A surfer jumps clear of his board while enjoying winter waves at New Brighton Beach in Christchurch, New Zealand
AP
21/50 1 July 2020
A man is detained by riot police during a demonstration in Hong Kong. China imposed a new national security law which has faced international condemnation
Getty
22/50 30 June 2020
A man smokes a pipe while wearing a face mask during a demonstration in Nantes, as part of a nationwide day of protests to demand better working conditions for health workers in France
AFP via Getty
23/50 29 June 2020
Lawmakers from Taiwan’s ruling Democratic Progressive Party scuffle with people from the main opposition Kuomintang party, who have been occupying the Legislature Yuan, in Taipei
Reuters
24/50 28 June 2020
Protester holds crosses during a demonstration in honour of the victims of coronavirus in front of Brazil’s National Congress
Getty
25/50 27 June 2020
A demonstrator wearing a face mask holds a sign during a protest against police brutality and racial inequality in the aftermath of the death in Minneapolis police custody of George Floyd, at the Victory column in Berlin
Reuters
26/50 26 June 2020
Hygienists inside a decontamination area in a coronavirus treatment centre that cares for positive patients that show little or no symptoms in Dakar
AFP via Getty
27/50 25 June 2020
A seagull snatches a croissant from a buffet during a press conference at the headquarters of AP Moeller – Maersk in Copenhagen, Denmark
Ritzau Scanpix/AFP/Getty
28/50 24 June 2020
A volunteer receives an injection from a medical worker during the country’s first human clinical trial for a potential vaccine against coronavirus, at the Baragwanath hospital in Soweto, South Africa
Reuters
29/50 23 June 2020
Swiss acrobat Ramon Kathriner performs during the “Glacier 3000” Air show, an event marking the reopening of the Alpine facilities above Les Diablerets
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30/50 22 June 2020
A worker cleans volcanic ash off the stupas at the Borobudur temple in Indonesia, a day after Mount Merapi erupted in nearby Sleman, sending a plume of ash into the sky
AFP via Getty
31/50 21 June 2020
Aerial view of a burial at the Vila Formosa cemetery during the COVID-19 coronavirus pandemic, in Sao Paulo, Brazil, on June 21, 2020. – The novel coronavirus has killed at least 464,423 people worldwide since the outbreak began in China last December, being Brazil Latin America’s worsthit country with 49,976 deaths from 1,067,579 cases.
AFP via Getty
32/50 20 June 2020
National Guards form a line in front of “Black Lives Matter” protestors in Tulsa, Oklahoma where Donald Trump was holding a campaign rally
AFP via Getty
33/50 19 June 2020
Nurses, doctors, midwives and health care workers attend the fourth Zumba dance session organised by the Nursing Council of Kenya at Kenyatta stadium where screening booths and an isolation field hospital have been installed. The dance sessions have been organised to re-energise and uplift health care providers sprits during this pandemic
AFP via Getty
34/50 18 June 2020
Alpha jets from the French Air Force Patrouille de France and the Royal Air Force Red Arrows perform a flypast over the statue of Charles de Gaulle on the Champs Elysees avenue in Paris to celebrate the 80th anniversary of wartime leader’s appeal to the French people to resist the Nazi occupation, broadcast from London
Reuters
35/50 17 June 2020
Activists from the Extinction Rebellion movement block a street outside the German Automobile industry association during a protest in Berlin
AFP via Getty
36/50 16 June 2020
Barbers wearing protective suits and face masks inside a salon in Dhaka, Bangladesh
Reuters
37/50 15 June 2020
Siegfried White raises his hand as he protests outside a burned Wendy’s restaurant on the third day following Rayshard Brooks death. The black man was shot by police in the car park in Atlanta. The mayor ordered immediate police reforms on Monday after the fatal shooting by a white officer
AFP via Getty
38/50 14 June 2020
People take part in a Black Lives Matter protest march in central Tokyo
AFP via Getty
39/50 13 June 2020
Protesters raise their fists during a demonstration against police brutality and racism in Paris, France. The march was organised by supporters of Assa Traore, whose brother Adama died in police custody in 2016, in circumstances that remain unclear
EPA
40/50 12 June 2020
A pro-democracy supporter shouts at riot police during an anti-national security law rally in Mongkok district in Hong Kong, China. Protesters heeded online calls to gather as the city marks the one-year anniversary of the major clashes between police and pro-democracy demonstrators over the controversial extradition bill
Getty
41/50 11 June 2020
A section of the River Spree next to the Reichstag building coloured green by activists from “Extinction Rebellion” to protest the German government’s coal policies in Berlin
AFP via Getty
42/50 10 June 2020
A woman poses in front of a decapitated statue of Christopher Columbus at Christopher Columbus Park in Boston Massachusetts. The statue’s head, damaged overnight, was recovered by the Boston Police Department, as a movement to remove statues commemorating slavers and colonisers continues to sweep across the US
AFP via Getty
43/50 9 June 2020
Ivy McGregor, left, reads a resolution during the funeral for George Floyd at The Fountain of Praise church in Houston. George Floyd is being laid to rest in his hometown, the culmination of a long farewell to the 46-year-old African American whose death in custody ignited global protests against police brutality and racism
AFP via Getty
44/50 8 June 2020
People raise their fist and stand on their knees as they demonstrate in Nantes, during a Black Lives Matter protest
AFP via Getty
45/50 7 June 2020
A woman looks on during a protest against the killing of George Floyd in Osaka city, western Japan
EPA
46/50 6 June 2020
Demonstrator raise their fists at the Lincoln Memorial during a protest against police brutality and racism in Washington, DC. Demonstrations are being held across the US following the death of George Floyd on May 25, 2020, while being arrested in Minneapolis, Minnesota
AFP via Getty
47/50 5 June 2020
A handout photo made available by 2020 Planet Labs shows an aerial view of the large diesel spill in the Ambarnaya River outside Norilsk in the Arctic. Russia has managed to contain a massive diesel spill into a river in the Arctic, a spokeswoman for the emergencies ministry told AFP. Environmentalists said the oil spill, which took place last May 29, was the worst such accident ever in the Arctic region
Planet Labs Inc./AFP via Getty
48/50 4 June 2020
Activists hold a candlelit remembrance outside Victoria Park in Hong Kong, after the annual vigil, that traditionally takes place in the park to mark the 1989 Tiananmen Square crackdown, was banned on public health grounds because coronavirus
AFP via Getty
49/50 3 June 2020
A visitor walks in Odaiba as the sun sets in Tokyo
AP
50/50 2 June 2020
Activists of the Socialist Unity Centre of India shout slogans in Ahmedabad in solidarity with protests against the recent killing of George Floyd
AP
One day, after walking up a few stairs, I collapsed. I was no longer the person who ran half-marathons. As the lumps began to harden, so did my resolve. I began to fight my gynaecologist for a mammogram.
Finally, on 13 November 2018, I watched a technician cram my breasts into something that looked like a photocopy machine.
As I began laughing, she asked: “Is this your first mammogram?”
I nodded, giggling as the cold surfaces made my nipples harden.
“Ich drücke die Daumen für Sie,” she said, burying her thumbs in the centre of her palms. For good luck, on my behalf.
Actual luck came after chemotherapy: on 24 July 2019 I was declared in remission. There was no spread to my lymph nodes, and the six months of chemotherapy was 100 per cent successful – which is not the case for everybody. Germany may have misdiagnosed me, but Germany had also saved me.
I was to continue taking Herceptin infusions for a year. Every three weeks, on Tuesdays, I joined other patients in recliners, listening to the radio. Baby Jane by Rod Stewart. West End Girls by the Pet Shop Boys. Close to You by Maxi Priest.
Then along came Covid-19. By the time the coronavirus had begun ravaging Europe, our small talk had shifted from comparing our white-blood cell counts to this new disease. We traded expert stories on what it could mean for us: none of it was good. The mood was particularly subdued on 10 March 2020, as we listened to a news bulletin saying Italy had announced a lockdown.
Cancer had already somewhat prepared me; medical grade face masks, gloves and frequent hand washing were the main reason why I did not catch the flu or any communicable infections throughout chemotherapy. What I couldn’t understand was why the rest of the world, including my husband, was not taking this seriously.
“I cannot survive cancer and then end up dying of Covid-19. How would that look on my tombstone?” I’d yell at my husband, before ordering him to wear a mask, gloves and walk around with sanitisers and bleach.
Long before hospitals restricted visitors, I enforced online-only grocery shopping. No item entered our house unless it was sprayed and wiped down with bleach. We wore gloves and masks even to take out the rubbish.
I also wondered why the government was dilly-dallying such that by the time a lockdown was announced in Germany on March 22, I had already made the decision to cancel my last Herceptin infusion. I also had other worries; my pre-cancer stash of face masks and gloves was running low, and now officially a scarce commodity worldwide. Like my country, I’ve also had to source cheaper face masks and hand gloves from China.
Breast cancer is the most common cancer, affecting 2.1 million women annually and causing the greatest number of cancer-related deaths, so there are days I feel closer to a statistic than a survivor. Now, I fear the other “Big C”: Covid-19. Every cough, every unmasked face in the street sends me literally running for my life.
I cannot come to terms with the fact that I may have survived a terminal disease, but could end up killed by a communicable one.
This peculiar irony is why I say for cancer patients, there is no post-Covid reality. So long as this virus and irresponsible people exist, so will our fears for our fragile mortality.
Ruona Meyer is an Emmy-nominated multimedia journalist with 17 years’ experience across Nigeria, South Africa, the UK and Germany, where she lives with her family.
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